Anybody Else
by Macrocosm
Summary: AU. Growing up Naomi never thought she'd be the person to fall in love and want it all but when she did she realised that life does that, it throws new chapters at you- and just as she started becoming comfortable in that new chapter of her life the cards dealt her with a tragic accident that's left her dealing with more than she thinks she can handle. Love, loss and moving on.
1. Epilogue

Naomi first meets Tony at a house party the weekend before she starts her A-Levels.

She notices him before he does her, the moment she walks in the house she sees him fixing his hair in front of a mirror in the hallway- she decides he's a twat.

The next time Naomi see's Tony is in her second week at school, he abruptly sits down on the table she's eating lunch on and stares at her with a small smirk until she acknowledges him. "What's your name then?" he asks, and she sighs, wondering if he would he just take the hint and piss off if she didn't answer. He doesn't. It starts from there really; and thinking back on it she really should've seen it coming because Tony is, if anything, obnoxiously determined. It took him two weeks to get her name and she doesn't even remember why she didn't tell him it to begin with, or talk to him at all, but it's on one of those Autumn days where the wind is bearable enough to sit in, so Naomi decides to have lunch out on the green. She's thinking about her upcoming birthday, trying to guess what type of cake her Mum will cook this year because even though she is too proud to show her Mum she cares, she still secretly does. Tony drops down on his arse across from her so close that their knee's are touching and all she can think is about personal space.

"Naomi" his eye's narrow in thought, like he's trying it out for the first time. "You know, now that I know it, I suppose it makes sense" Tony half shrugs and picks up a stick to start stabbing brown leaves with. Naomi watches him for a moment wondering if the small smile on his lips means that he's getting a kick out of the cracking sound they make, then she concludes that he must be easily entertained. "I have to say, Campbell was a surprise though. Are your parent's fans or something?"

She considers telling him the truth which is obviously so well rehearsed by now that she could tell it in her sleep, but because he has a smirk on his lip that infuriates her a little, she decides on a simple "twat" and unfortunately it backfires because his smirk grows into a grin in record timing and she wants to punch him.

Even though secretly she thinks his grin isn't all that bad.

Tony at the time must of thought that was an invitation of sorts because soon enough he's randomly popping up everywhere, like the next day, when she's frantically trying to pull her mammoth of a maths book out of her locker _and_read the small map that came with the welcoming pack when she started at Roundview. It's not that the school is massive or anything- because it really isn't, it's just a bit bigger than all of the other schools she's been to. It's just when Naomi slams her locker shut that she's startled by the figure standing to her left and if she wasn't already four minutes late for her next class she would've taken the time to scowl at him. "In a rush then?" he easily matches her pace down the corridor and she doesn't really understand how he's doing it because it's not like he has overly long legs or anything.

"Obviously" she quips and then finally does take that extra second and a half to shoot him her best glare once she hears his soft, amused chuckle.

"What class have you got? I'll walk you"

"I can walk"

"Haven't you ever heard of chivalry?"

"Haven't you ever heard of intolerable?"

They share a smirk, their first, and Naomi decides that maybe it isn't all that bad if she allows him to show her where her next class is, just this once.

Two days later it's a Saturday and because her Mum woke her at eight, which is really unthinkable for a weekend, Naomi is lying in her bed playing any song that has the word 'fuck' in it really, really loudly. She had planned to do that all day until her Mum tells her they're going to the shops to help pick out a few bobs and pieces they need around the house and because she's stubborn and moody she waves her hand in the air hoping that her Mum gets the hint, she does, it resorts to her suggesting that they also stop by the charity shop and at this, Naomi's ears perk up. On the walk there Naomi thinks that her Mum should just grow some balls and _make_ her do things instead of reasoning with her.

That's what parents are supposed to do right?

It's late afternoon by the time her Mum's decided to give it a rest and tells Naomi she's stopping in the bakery, asks if she wants anything. Naomi waits outside smoking by the curb because even though the old fat man a few feet away from her eating a muffin keeps glaring and probably deserves the smoke in his face, there are little kids around and Naomi's just not that type of person.

"Fancy seeing you here" a familiar annoying voice hums from behind and Naomi takes the time to roll her eyes before she turns around.

"Why do you keep showing up everywhere I am?"

"I could ask you the same you know..." he chuckles and it's then that she notices a bunch of awkward looking people standing behind him, more noticeably a girl with curly brown hair that is giving Naomi a look between curiosity and jealousy. Tony sees her watching them and decides to introduce them all. His friends.

Sid seems a bit hopeless, not the type of person Naomi would ever hang out with because he looks like he hasn't showered in a while. He mumbles when he talks and Naomi wonders if something significant has pissed him off or if he's always like that.

When Maxxie is introduced he takes Naomi's hand and kisses it and Naomi wants to act like it's nothing but in all honesty she's never been paid that sort of attention from anyone before so she can't help the slight burn she feels on her cheeks. Tony chuckles at it and whispers something about her being cute and for once she's thankful of his presence because it automatically becomes easier to focus on how much of a twat he is and the blush soon fades.

Chris by far is her favourite, just because he seems so generally happy to meet her and Naomi thinks that if she was into all that hippie energy shit that her Mum's into, that he would definitely throw out the liveliest energy of anyone she's ever met before. She doesn't believe in that shit though.

Cassie just looks between Tony and Naomi and says something about something being beautiful and with the psychotic smile on her face Naomi gets a bit freaked out, Tony notices and rushes along to the next person who's name is Anwar, he addresses Naomi's chest when talking to her and Naomi scoffs because, seriously, she's wearing a t-shirt_for fuck sakes_.

The last two are Jal and Michelle, Jal seems friendly enough but Michelle is hesitant and Naomi doesn't care enough to over think it. Tony very quickly tells them to bugger off, exactly like that, and surprisingly they do.

"So...met the friends now, almost ready to elope aren't we?" Naomi tries to make it sound like a _why the fuck did you introduce me to your mates_ but then Tony laughs really loudly and she decides to stop biting her smirk away.

They spends the 10 minutes it takes for her Mum to return talking, mostly it's Tony talking and Naomi decides he's pretty self-absorbed but she doesn't mind because it's better than talking about herself. He tells her about his 'kid sister' who's apparently the same age as her and then suggests introducing them and she thinks about suggesting he not, if his sister is anything like him, but instead she bites her tongue because he did walk her to class the other day after all.

When her Mum comes out of the bakery and spots them both Naomi sighs a _Jesus_ at the hopeful look on her face and Tony sends her a funny look before plastering on the most impressive smile she's seen on him yet, she has to admit that it's pretty impressive.

Over the next few months Tony becomes a regular pain in her arse and she doesn't know what it is about her that makes him want to seek her out all the time, a few times she thinks about asking him but a part of her that's tucked deep into her subconscious secretly likes his company and decides that he should stick around. So Naomi deals, she meets Effy as promised from Tony and even though Effy is equally as annoying in a completely different way, Naomi lets her introduce her to her group of friends. They soon become_their_ friends and when Tony passes his A levels with the highest marks and leaves college to go out into the big bad world and start whatever the fuck it is he wants to do, Naomi finds herself missing his constant annoying face. Effy makes it easier.

A year passes and Naomi, Effy and the group of misfits that they call friends are lying on the grass of Brandon Hill, soaking up the last days of summer and their holidays before the inevitable wind and rain that comes with autumn picks up again. Effy turns to Naomi and says probably the most significant thing in Naomi's life at the time, in usual Effy-style of course.

"He likes you, you know"

"Who?" Naomi inhales deeply and then blows the smoke in Effy's face, as a sort of punishment for being so vague. Effy punishes her back by not responding straight away. Naomi learns her lesson.

"Tony"

"He-" she stops and takes the time to frown over this information. It's not that she didn't see this coming because he's always making excuses to talk to her, to stop by her house and annoy her, at first Naomi thought it was just the way Tony is, and mostly she's right. But it's the lingering looks that make her think twice. She didn't want to be one of those girls that assume though, so for a while now she'd just kept it to herself but now that Effy has said it Naomi knows there is no doubt she was right, because Effy's like that, she watches people enough to be. "I know" Naomi sighs rolling over on her stomach to avoid the sun in her eyes.

"Yeah, I know you do" Effy hums and Naomi rolls her eyes because _of course_ Effy knew that too.

Naomi doesn't do anything positive with the confirmed information; if anything she starts to avoid Tony and it doesn't take him long to notice. On one day, a week later, he corners her as she comes out of the school, ready for a few hours away from the shit hole.

"Why've you been avoiding me?"

"What are you talking about?" she frowns and then starts walking, knowing he'll follow.

"Well...I dunno really, I just feel like..." his sentence trails off and for the first time she sees a side to him that she didn't know existed before this moment; the self conscious side and it's not enough to make her like him but it's enough to make her stop avoiding him, so she does. It doesn't take them long to fall back into that playful friendship that he's worked so hard for and even though that thing that Effy said, that Naomi's definitely decided not to think about, is always in the back of her mind, she doesn't bring it up to him.

At least not until he brings it up a couple of months later at her 18th birthday party that she did_not_ want. It's while she's thinking of ways to get Effy back for organising it without hurting Panda's feelings, because Effy knew she didn't want to do anything but Panda was so ahead of herself with excitement that before Naomi even stepped through the front door to the Stonem house she heard the familiar "SURPRISEEEEEE!". She literally sets her jaw and the only reason she even goes in is because of Tony and his stupid fucking chuckle that she finds so infuriating. She knows he expects her to turn around and send a big 'fuck you all' with the flick of her finger, so instead of being obvious- because she likes to surprise him, instead, she opens the door and plasters on her shit attempt at a poker face.

"That's a dangerous look right there"

"Just thinking of all the ways I could make your sister's unexpected death look like a tragic accident" she confesses, glaring at Effy from across the room.

"Don't be such a bore, it's your party! live a little" Tony flicks her arm "only 18 once, so I reckon you might as well enjoy it then. Here"

"Who say's I'm not enjoying myself? I find picturing Eff tripping down those stairs over there quite enjoyable actually, some might even say I'm thrilled at the moment" Naomi smirks, accepting the drink from Tony with a small nod.

"I guess I could use her room as a sort of getaway, you know, just for those times that I need to take a break from my own massively well-lit one" he laughs holding his glass up for a celebratory cheers.

"Hmmm" Naomi nods slowly after a few long seconds "I'm not sure if you're having me on or not you tit"

"Me?" Tony mocks shock "Never, it's fucking spectacular. Can show you now if you want?" he tries nonchalance and _she sees it_, that brief flash of hope in his eyes and she knows it was her first warning that something big was about to happen but at the time all she could think about was the fact that Effy kept glancing at them and Naomi just didn't want to give her anything else to watch for once. So she accepted Tony's offer and they went upstairs.

"Interesting bed cover" Naomi smiles, her eyes flicking over every part of the room as quickly as possible. She's never been in there before and now that she is in it she's wondering exactly why it is that after knowing him for over a year this is the first time she's seeing it. Especially considering she's been in Effy's more than she can count.

Tony chuckles lightly and tells her something about it mainly being there to piss Sid off but Naomi's not really concentrating on him because she notices a large bookshelf and instantly wanders over to it. She's surprised to say the least, she didn't even know he reads and tells him something similar. "All this time I thought you were illiterate"

"Bitch" he retorts playfully and Naomi spends a few long minutes looking at the different titles, not that she herself is really a book person but she's smart enough to know that you can tell a lot about somebody by the books they read. Effy is reading a book named 'Does God Ever Speak Through Cats' at the moment and Naomi hasn't decided what to make of that yet.

"Tone...this is completely in French" Naomi frowns at the book in her hand

"Oui, je peux parler francais" he smirks and she just gapes at him for a moment because seriously,_what the fuck?_ "Tell me you're impressed" Tony laughs and even though she is, she just rolls her eyes and shoves him.

Probably another 10 minutes pass before they speak again. Naomi discovers a number of things about Tony that she didn't know in that time, like the fact that he's a huge Doctor Who fan because he has all the DVD's lined perfectly, or that he must've once in his life been inspired to buff up a bit because there's two small weights sitting in a corner and she thinks about teasing him for obviously (by the lack of muscle in his arms) giving _that_ dream up, but then decides not to because she gets distracted by a few photos that are pinned to the wall. They're kind of hidden by the bookshelf and once she's standing in front of them she can understand why. One is of him and Sid, much younger than they are now and in it Tony has noticeably bad skin and longer hair with blonde tips, she smirks appreciating for the first time that he at least looks better now, even if his fringe is permanently pushed to the side of his face in an 'I'm a tosser' sort of way. The second photo is of him and Effy and Eff is wearing what's obviously her old school uniform, Naomi wants to pull out her phone and take a photo of it because Effy looks so small in the large blue blazer and big black tie that she almost resembles a turtle and _that_ thought actually makes her laugh out loud.

Tony doesn't notice though as she sees when she turns around, he's too busy fixing his fringe and she scoffs at how vain he is.

"Are you quite done snooping now? Or did you want me to wait outside?" he asks, locking eyes with her through the mirror.

"Sod off" she laughs "you seemed happy enough looking at yourself you twat." She smirks happily and then moves closer to him because she's done with his room, for now.

"Now now, somebody's got to and if you keep that up and you wont be getting your present anytime soon"

"What the fuck is it with you Stonem's and birthdays?" Naomi whines

"In all honesty" he crosses the room in search of something "we don't actually give a fuck about birthdays, it's just fun pissing you off really"

"Least you're honest-what are you bloody doing?"

He doesn't answer her and if it had of taken any longer than 3 seconds after that she would've asked again but fortunately for him it didn't. Tony picks up a funny looking parcel and sits down.

"Come sit" he pats the spot next to him on the bed and Naomi rolls her eyes, keeping up appearances and all that, then sits down.

"What is it?"

"A donkey, open it you bint". So she does and it takes well over a minute because he's a bloody retard and obviously can't wrap without a fuck load of tape but when it does finally open Naomi bursts out in laughter. "Well if I didn't it would've been easy to guess" he laughs along at the woolen balls he's purposely stuck in there to disguise the shape of the actual present.

"You're such a..." she can't even finish her sentence and she doesn't know if it's because he's an idiot or she's happy, either way it doesn't matter.

He gets her a journal, tells her she's a moody cow and that writing helps and then once they've laughed some more about the wool thing he leans in and kisses her. It's her first kiss ever and she knows that it means _something,_she just can't figure out what. It wasn't a bad kiss, in comparison to her own hand when she was 8- which she's never going to tell anybody about, but she doesn't know if it's a good kiss either so as gently as she can, she lets him down.

The next week he's dating Michelle and she's watching season one of Doctor Who- she fucking hates it.

November comes and goes and the only significance of it is that Naomi realises she has a knack for politics and is glad that she chose the subject, even if at the time she didn't have a reason to. Tony and Michelle are still going strong, so Naomi has heard, and she doesn't know how she feels about it yet- thinks that maybe she doesn't feel anything about it?- concludes that she definitely feels _something_, just doesn't know what. In the end she decides to just ignore the whole thing because fuck all that drama, she's got exams creeping up on her and it's not like he ever wants to talk about his relationship with Michelle anyway.

"It's more boring than people think y'know" Effy sighs leaning back on her bed while she watches Freddie roll one of his perfect spliffs.

"What is?" Naomi asks, half of her not even caring what Effy's on about.

"Creative writing you tit" Effy rolls her eyes at Naomi in a way that says _you're supposed to just know what I mean whenever I say something_and Naomi is too focused on revising her coursework that she almost doesn't even reply.

"That's a shame" she hears a door slam shut from downstairs and looks up at this. Effy doesn't react- because it's Effy, but Naomi's surprised to find that even Freddie barely notices and she wonders just how much time he's been spending at her place recently.

Another door slams and this time Effy addresses the issue "Michelle" but after a few seconds Naomi realises that it wasn't really even needed in the first place because before they know it shouting is coming from the other room.

Naomi taps her pen frustratingly on her text book wishing that Tony and his problem would just fuck right off so she can study in peace. Freddie chuckles and says something about world war three and they get on with their day, nothing else mentioned.

"Happy fucking Christmas"

"Christ, what the fuck are you...you're here!" Naomi smiles her first honest smile in over two weeks and let's Tony pick her up and squeeze her tight. "I thought you's were all off exploring Manchester or some bollocks like that? Is Eff here too?"

"No she's still up there. Wasn't too happy about me bailing mind you, but there's only so much I can take of Dad and his ignorant brother so I pulled out the old 'I'm needed at work', works a charm" he chuckles.

"Well...fuck sakes Tone" Naomi grins at him, still finding it hard to believe that he's showed up randomly, not because it's out of the ordinary for Tony to do that, just because usually he texts her first in case she's in a mood. His words. "Come on then, Mum's turned into this big ball of Christmas spirit, got the Egg Nog and all crap, she's driving me nuts! I reckon I was about five seconds away from whacking her one before your boofhead showed up"

Tony laughs happily following her into the kitchen where her Mum is humming jingle bells and for once Naomi is just too happy to snap at her.

They spend the rest of the day eating and drinking far too much and by the time Gina announces she's going to bed Naomi finally realises how late it is, she glances over at Tony who is lying across the couch with a content smile and decides that she won't tell him to piss off- it's Christmas after all.

Later that night they snog; a full on proper snog. This time she decides it means something good and in the morning when she wakes up with a killing headache and he's standing at the end of the bed with pain killers, she decides to let him stay a little longer.

They spend the week together and Naomi doesn't know if it's all that life changing but she feels a little different. He doesn't stay over again but he does show up every single morning with a hopeful grin and a lukewarm coffee so she just goes with it, convinced that she's got nothing else better to do anyway.

They watch Shrek twelve times, she'd never seen it before then and if Tony wasn't being such a funny twat with his impressions of the Donkey then she would've turned it off or claimed her DVD player had broke because she has to admit that it's not really her type of movie. There's just something about the way his eyes shine when he's watching it, something earth-shattering.

On the Wednesday her Mum practically kicks them out of the house and even though Naomi doesn't feel like doing anything she appreciates the honesty when Gina tells them that they both smell and will soon have bed sores.

They consider walking but he has a car so why bother?

"Michelle" Tony sighs using his index finger to spin his vibrating phone around on the café table and Naomi can't tell if he's purposely brought up the big fat elephant in the room, or if he's just generally stressed about it, either way she decides to pretend like she didn't even hear him because she knows where _that_ conversation is going- somewhere she doesn't feel comfortable thinking about yet.

"I hate this fucking place...not the café you tosser, I mean Bristol...England"

"So leave then" he shrugs like it's the simplest thing in the world

"A-Levels"

"Hmm" Tony leans back in his chair and studies her thoughtfully "what do you want to do when you finish then?"

"Definitely not work as a suit" she smirks playfully "Probably travel, maybe become a journalist...something to do with politics"

"I like that, it suits you" he nods and picks up his blueberry tea. Naomi watches him, wonders why he chose such a boring job for himself. He's smart and it's probably really easy for him because he's good with numbers, but he's not the type of person to give up and something about it all feels like he is. "Your hair is fine you tit, stop embarrassing me for fuck sakes"

"Gotta look good" he winks.

The next two months pass by in a huge blur of coursework, stress and the occasional weekend party and she barely sees Tony because he's work has transferred him and a few others up North for a trial with some huge company that he dubs 'leaches'. They talk on skype though so the heavy feeling in her chest every time she thinks about him feels a little lighter.

They don't discuss the kiss, but he leaves Michelle.

March comes and goes, as does April and by the time May hit's Naomi is actually thinking about just throwing in the towel when it comes to her exams, she tells Tony this late one night through her webcam and the next week he's standing at her door with an infuriating smirk and a bottle of wine.

"It was boring anyway" he explains as they make their way through to the kitchen. "I think I'm better than all that shit, obviously I'll have to get some shitty job at a small company because I didn't give them notice but it'll work out" he shrugs.

"I'm glad, you're too fucking smart to be wasting it on tossers that couldn't give two shits about you. It's bollocks" she sighs, flicking the kettle on.

She doesn't know if it was because it was the first time she'd ever said anything nice about him to his face, or if it's because she's slightly drunk, but that night they sleep together. It hurts but he's so gentle about it that she doesn't know if she wants to cry from happiness or because she's so overwhelmed, so instead she bites her lip and lets him use his body to tell her everything he's wanted to tell her for a very long time now, everything she's been ignoring.

This time she can't ignore it though, she doesn't.

"Why do you keep fucking staring at me?"

"Because you look happy for once in your miserable life" Effy smirks passing Naomi a lighter and a big fat spliff that they'd agreed to smoke together once exams were over. "And I'm not daft"

Naomi sighs and thinks about denying everything, because it's not exactly the most comfortable conversation in the world telling somebody that you're sleeping with their brother. It's Effy though, so what can she do? "Eff...I-"

"This is my elated face" Effy gestures to her face and the only evidence of her being remotely happy at the moment is that certain brightness in her eyes that Naomi's come to realise means happiness. She swears that Effy is like some sort of fucked up mood ring sometimes.

"So you're not mad or anything?"

"Mad? I'm just happy the two of you have finally got your shit together."

Naomi passes her A levels with the highest marks and the next few months go by in bliss, so much so that she wonders if this is the feeling people write about in those great love books. She sees Tony every single day and they don't ever discuss what they actually are to each other, but she doesn't feel like they need to define anything really. Effy lands herself a job at the local library and at first Naomi is confused as fuck by it because she knows Effy got the grades to go to a University, but then she realises over a shared bottle of wine and a story about this old man that goes in there everyday just to read the books - never to borrow them, that maybe the job suits Effy perfectly, it's almost like a playing field for her.

She watches people, it's her thing.

Naomi knows it's getting dangerously close to that time in her life when she as to apply to university and she resents Tony for making the whole thing harder, even though he isn't purposely doing it, the fact that he cares about her _that much_ just makes it harder to leave. She realises she's been dreaming about this for years- fucking off to wherever she wants to study whatever she wants and it should be easy because it's all she's ever wanted.

But then it's not, she wants something else too.

"Honey I'm home!"

_fuck sakes_Naomi opens the door to her overly happy-whatever he is.

"Impressive" Tony nods "I didn't think your scowl could get any more aggressive, but apparently it has!" he leans in for a kiss and he's a good kisser so she gives in.

"I've got to send these off by next week Tone, I'm fucking pulling my hair out here so if you could find it in yourself not to be such an annoying twat for once in your life that'd be great" Naomi sighs walking back to the kitchen table that's full of application forms for Universities all over the world.

Tony follows her, snatches one of the application forms on the way, and hops up on the kitchen bench. Naomi ignores him and gets back to trying to win the war between her head and her heart.

"Australia..." he says after a few long minutes and the look on his face almost makes her cave in and set both their minds to ease by announcing she's chosen London. She doesn't though, because it doesn't feel right. "No buses there, is there?"

"Nope"

"Hmm" he nods with a small frown "well I'm off, gotta meet Sidney soon"

"You just got here though" Naomi's eyes snap to his and they stare at each other for the longest minute of her life, but then he jumps down and kisses her on the cheek and everything she wants to say to him fades away with the moment.

It feels like their first fight and she spends the night crying and drinking.

"You sure about this then?"

"Eff..." Naomi sighs "it's already hard enough alright, I just- I can't regret this for the rest of my life"

"I know" Effy smiles gently "go on then"

So Naomi does, she slips the large envelope through the mail box and sighs.

Australia is much more different than she thought it would be, not that she's ignorant or anything but she just didn't expect there to be quite as much Art as there is, like everywhere. She shares a flat in the city with two other people, one, a boy named Andrew that's studying to become a nurse at a University called RMIT and another a girl named Linda- Naomi doesn't know what she's doing because she's hardly ever there. The flat's nice though, pretty old but it's not like she's living with complete tossers who have absolutely no sense of how to furnish a place. They have modern furniture and it's all paid for by Linda's Dad, Naomi doesn't complain.

In her second week she lands a job at a local bar, the tips are great.

She talks to Tony everyday, to Effy every other day, and five months into her course she starts to wonder if she made the right choice or not because every time she does talk to Tony it feels like somebody is stabbing her in the heart, she wishes he would move on because then it would be easier for her to.

She doesn't cave in though because she's in the top three of her class.

"I got an agent" Effy announces late one night during one of their skype dates. "She wants to read some of my stuff"

"But?"

"But, I don't think I want to give anything to her yet" Effy shrugs "it just feels personal and I'm the one who's paying part of her wage so why the fuck should I?"

"That's kind of- oh fuck sakes hold on a sec" Naomi shoves the laptop to the side and opens her bedroom door "ANDREW TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK THE DAMN THING!" she slams her door shut and hops back on her bed "sorry, fucking tit he is. Anyway, isn't that missing the point then? you're paying her for nothing"

"At the moment" Effy smiles "who knows, maybe someday I'll write a masterpiece"

"I'm sure you will" Naomi laughs, even though she has no doubt about it. Effy's seems like the future-teller type. "How's-"

"Fine, same as every other time you ask. He misses you so naturally his way of dealing with that is to be an insufferable twat"

Naomi smiles, misses him more.

Another six months pass and the only thing that Naomi manages to be happy about is the fact that in Melbourne there is a second hand store on almost every street, it's nice and she buy's so much shit that she wonders how on earth she'll get it all back to Bristol. Tony's mood picks up after the third month and Naomi's too blinded by his happiness to question it. She feels like she's got him back in a weird sort of way and her mood mirrors his because of it.

They're a bit mental like that, it's like one can't be completely happy if the other isn't. Naomi knew it before Effy pointed it out though.

She thinks about flying back to the UK for Christmas, in Australia they get 5 weeks off and even though Naomi finds it fucking odd she still appreciates the time off. Instead, her Mum comes to visit and they spend the days getting lost in all of the small alleyways the city has to offer. Gina confesses that when she retires she'd like to live in somewhere like Melbourne, Naomi rolls her eyes and thinks _she says that about every bloody place._

"You will come back wont you?" her Mum frowns over a hot plate of spaghetti one night and Naomi almost wishes her roommates didn't piss off for the holidays because now that it's just the two of them again her Mum's got the space to bring this up. Naomi sighs because really, it's already hard enough being here. For as long as she can remember she's wanted to travel, to know what it feels like to live in different cultures, different places, and now that she is all she can think is that something's missing, _someone's_ missing.

"Mum" Naomi warns

"Give me a break, I'm just not used to not having you around" her Mum sucks in her bottom lip in a way that Naomi just _knows_ is hereditary. She should've seen this coming really, what with her Mum's flight home approaching at a speed that they both can't think about. "It's just hard is all"

"I've got three more years until I get my degree, I'm not fucking off forever alright?"

"I know love" her Mum actually lets a tear slip and because she's never been the type of person to hold back and before Naomi knows it she's sobbing all over her sleeve. _Fuck sakes_ she gets up- comforts her Mum.

It's almost exactly a month from the date her Mum leaves Melbourne that Tony's boofhead shows up, bags and all and Naomi's never been the sort to get emotional but she cries so much that she's positive there will be a mascara mark on his stupid white t-shirt forever. She doesn't care.

"You've gone soft" the hypocrite says with a crack in his voice.

"Fucking hell...I can't even..."

"Yeah I missed you too" he strokes her cheeks with his thumbs.

Tony stays for a month and even though Naomi has lectures and work he seems happy enough to explore the city on his own. They have dinner out every night at the same restaurant, it's a small Indian one that's hidden away in one of the alleyways her Mum and her had found and it's old and shabby and smells like curry but they think it's perfect.

They fight, a lot, Naomi knows it's mostly because she's stressed about juggling classes, work and time with him but after one particular fight that leaves her walking to Uni with tears running down her face she wonders when it became such a regular thing, to fight with him.

She doesn't worry too much though because everything about the way they have sex screams feelings that Naomi doesn't even want to deal with.

Standing by the departure lounge at Tullamarine airport she feels like he's one of those fucking dementors out of Harry Potter, that he's sucking the life out of her just by leaving and she doesn't even care that she's sobbing into his shoulder because _this_ is what feels like the most important thing in her life.

"I hate this" he confesses with a sad smile and she wonders if what he's feeling now is anything compared to what she is. "I bloody-" he shakes his head and makes a little noise of frustration. "Look, I know you're all _I want to be independent_ and all that bollocks, but...I think I'm fucking in love with you alright? So can we make this official?"

It's the shittiest and most perfect proposition she's ever heard and it lessons a little of the weight she feels about him leaving.

"Alright, but I'm not fucking posting it all over the internet"

"Speak for yourself" he lifts her up with a bigger grin than she's ever seen.

They spend the next year and a half making it work and there are times where she feels like throwing in the towel and just telling him to piss off so she can focus on her future, but then she stops and realises that she wants him to be a big part of her future.

"We can do this Nai" becomes Tony's catchphrase for the harder times and because he's so determined and _so_ convincing, she believes him. She can't really complain though because although they aren't together all the time they both make an effort, Naomi even travels back to Bristol three times and Tony make's sure he has enough money to be there whenever she feels like she's falling apart.

It's just after she's reached the halfway mark of passing her degree that everything changes and she really should've seen it fucking coming because all the signs were there, but she didn't. It's a Saturday afternoon and she's waiting near the arrival gate when all of a sudden a man walks past holding one of those smelly fucking pasta dishes that they sell in the food court and Naomi barely makes it in time to the toilets before she's throwing everything she's eaten in the past week up.

"Christ sakes" she pants leaning against the toilet door. Her phone goes off and she remembers that she's actually in the airport for a reason.

"I don't know if I should be more hurt or angry by the look on your face right now considering my brother most likely gets a kiss upon arrival"

"Fuck, I'm sorry, c'mere" Naomi pulls Effy to her "was bloody sick in the loo and I'm hoping it's a twenty-four hour thing because I was really looking forward to getting drunk with you for once!"

Two days pass before Naomi's life changes forever.

"I can't fucking believe this!...bloody-"

"Shhh"

"No Eff! this plastic piece of shit is saying I'm pregnant, _what the fuck!"_

"I know, but you need to calm down okay?" Effy stands up off the bed and pulls her into a tighter hug than they've ever shared before. Naomi sobs.

Tony is there within a day and a half and Naomi doesn't know if she wants to kill him or plead with him to make it better. Effy lingers for that day and a half and it's so fucking weird that Naomi ends up shouting at her to stop it because Effy never lingers, it's too obvious for her. Naomi knows she's being a selfish cow and treating her friend like utter shit, Effy doesn't leave though.

Years pass before Naomi realises the impact that time in their lives had on their friendship.

"Okay...so, you've taken more than one test then?"

"Look in the fucking bin you twat!"

"Babe...just" Tony runs his hands through his hair, frustrated.

"Just what? I'm twenty-one for fuck sakes! I can't have a fucking baby! I wouldn't even know what to do with it!"

"Guys" Effy taps on the door, opens it and then shoots them both a look between _I know this is hard for_ _you_ and _shut the fuck up, you've got roommates_"Maybe go for a walk?"

They do. They walk for over three hours and none of it makes her feel any better. She can't even comprehend what's happening, and with the lack of words shared between them, apparently Tony can't either. Eventually though, he leads her into a small café just after it starts raining and then suddenly it's like they're forced to speak just because everyone else in there is.

"Tone..." Naomi says helplessly, wishing the tears and every other fucked up part of this moment away.

"I know" he nods sliding his arm across the table to squeeze her hand "whatever you want to do, okay?"

Tony leaves two days later because his boss is a demanding fucking twat, Effy stays though; it makes everything a little easier.

"So" she grabs Naomi's arm to stop her from walking further "these are nice"

"They're fucking oranges Eff" Naomi looks at her friend weirdly and Effy nods slowly like she's learning something new, Naomi smiles- her first proper smile since the shit storm hit and Effy smiles back feeling like they're a little bit closer to a solution.

"When was Tony down last?"

"About two months ago, give or take" Naomi shrugs

"Ok"

They, or rather Effy, decides that it's time Naomi sees a doctor and Naomi's never been so scared in her life.

"Naomi Campbell"

"Fuck" she sighs standing up and when she realises that Effy isn't about to get up and follow her to the inevitable, she turns back and tries to convey every little inch of fear she's feeling with just one look. It works and Effy stands up and takes Naomi's hand.

"I'm going to be honest here, chances are that usually when a woman suspects it, its true. What we'll do is send you off for a few blood tests just to make sure everything's alright and if you've got the time I'd like you to go for an Ultrasound as soon as possible" the doctor smiles kindly and if he wasn't a big part of the reason her world was changing so much Naomi might have even managed a smile back.

They go for the Ultrasound two days later and the four hours they waited in the waiting room did nothing for Naomi's nerves, she feels like she's standing on a cliff by the time she's lying down on the hospital bed. "You look so distraught love" the nurse chuckles "Reminds me of when I was going for my first".

Effy squeezes her hand, a silent _I'm still here_and all Naomi can think is that she's the wrong person.

Naomi quits smoking that day.

She's not religious, not opposed to abortion either, so when Tony turns up two weeks later with a bunch of orange tulips and one of the biggest blocks of chocolate she's ever seen, with a simple "I'm serious, whatever you want" she can't help but feel like he just made the decision for her.

They leave Melbourne together- stay in Bristol for a month and even though Naomi feels like she needs her Mum now more than ever, her and Tony have a plan so when it comes to the day that they actually have to say goodbye to their loved ones again, she tells her Mum she loves her for the first time in a very long time.

They travel, spend a few weeks in Japan and the rest of her pregnancy in America, mostly New York. It wasn't easy because they lived in backpackers hostels and owned close to nothing but he worked the whole time, climbed his way up the ladder so to speak, and she worked at a homeless shelter until two weeks before the birth. It was one of the hardest times of her life and almost every night she second guessed her decision, but then Tony would come back to whatever room they were calling home for the month; he'd lock the door, turn all the lights off and put a movie on. They never watched them of course, he couldn't keep his big trap shut long enough to let her catch a line out of the movies but the things he spoke about made up for it.

"Maybe our next can be born in Scotland?" he whispered stroking her stomach "we could have six, possibly,...all in different places. They'll write magazine articles on us and our kooky lot"

"Twat" she bit her smile, forgetting everything that made that day a bad one.

When the baby was born it weighed 8.9 pounds and was 55cm's tall. Naomi had wanted to go all-natural but life has a funny way of fucking with you at last minute's so it ended up being an emergency Caesar. Naomi would still swear to anybody that listened that it was the hospitals fuck up for thinking she wasn't dilated enough. It was the worst forty-eight hours of her life, her contractions lasted a total of sixteen hours and the epidural did piss all so by four in the morning on the Friday she was being rushed into an emergency operation room, only being able to focus on a blur of sentences like _Baby stressed_and _need to get it out. B_efore she knew it there was a blue sheet in front of her eyes, her lover by her side, and a distant pulling feeling in her lower stomach.

Tony cried, Naomi threw up.

She didn't get to hold her daughter until two in the afternoon the next day- because of the traumatic birth the nurse's had insisted on keeping what was _hers_in a special nursery care unit until she'd had a blood transfusion because she had lost a fair amount during the birth and Naomi wanted to tell them to fuck right off, that her daughter was just down the hall from her room so why couldn't they get her a wheelchair or something?. She spent the morning trying to guess which of the crying sounds down the hall belonged to her baby while Tony went back and forth, each time bringing a new photo on his phone to show her.

Naomi is pretty sure the only reason the hospital let her even hold the baby that day was because of Tony being aggressively persuasive but when she did all of the fight left her body. It was almost an out of body experience and all she could think was _I made this_.

Naomi spent a week in the hospital and their daughter spent two weeks in there because as it turns out the nurses weren't actually trying just to piss her off, there was an infection. Nothing serious though.

That last week was the hardest, Naomi spent every hour she was allowed at the hospital and when they had to leave she spent the rest of the time hugging her daughter's singlets and crying.

She wondered if anything could ever hurt her as much as that did.

The nurses were like Nazi's when it came to breast feeding and tried to corner Naomi and drill her about it every time they saw her. She wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that she had a big staple wound that was still healing across her abdomen, or that she was just one of those women that couldn't produce more than half a glass of milk, full stop, either way she felt like a failure and got a little depressed over it.

Which looking back on it now, she also blame's the nurses for.

"Name?" one of the nurses finishing off the paperwork for them to finally take their daughter home, wherever home was, asked and Naomi laughed, a_full on_ proper laugh because _of course_ her and Tony hadn't even discussed it.

They were so backwards.

"Erm..."

"What about, Sophia?" he suggested. Naomi tried it out, said it a few times and then thought _well fuck it, as long as we can leave with her._

"Middle name?"

"Jesus Christ...just, Eff-Elizabeth" she sighed impatiently.

"Best tell Eff we planned that one, yeah?" Tony chuckled.

A month later they stopped living in hostel rooms and moved to a two bedroom house in Greenwich. It was totally unexpected because Tony had been planning the whole thing during her pregnancy. The house was old and needed some work but it had character and even if she had of hated it she wouldn't have told him because he looked so hopeful and nervous that all she could do was kiss him. She did like it though, it was close enough to New York to not feel like she was completely settling down and it seemed quiet and safe enough to raise a child in, for the time being. Unfortunately Tony had to go back to work the week they moved in, luckily Effy and Naomi's Mum came to stay.

"She has your smile you know"

"What the fuck are you on about? She hasn't even smiled yet" Naomi stubbed her cigarette out, staring at the back of Effy, who was watching Gina rock Sophia back and forth in her arms through the glass sliding doors.

"Exactly"

"You know, dare I say, that sometimes you're almost as annoying as Tone is"

"Must be in the family then, speaking of which, when are you and my brother gonna go all out and make it official-official. My namesake is gonna be a bastard forever because of you two idiots"

"The extra official wasn't necessary, I got what you meant" Naomi smirked "and isn't it his job to decide that?"

"Since when have you become such a conformist, Naomi?"

"Dunno really" she thought hard on that one, but nothing came up. "Spose I just might...possibly want that sort of life now"

Tony got a promotion and a haircut the day of Sophia's four-month birthday, they'd celebrated every month by getting her a new toy even though Naomi thought she'd never be one of those people, she thinks it was the little satisfied noise Sophia made in her throat each time that day hit that changed Naomi. Tony's hair cut was short, almost shaved fully and he'd grown a stubble- Naomi couldn't decide whether she liked it or not because it was just so different to what she was used to.

She wondered if she'd miss the Tony that always played with his hair in front of the mirror.

To Naomi, every other day she noticed more things about Sophia that reminded her of Tony, like the colour of her eyes, they were the same shade of blue that he had, similar to a sea blue, or the small dimple they both seemed to have under their chins. Her hair was also thick like his and the first time Naomi noticed this she laughed out loud, almost waking Sophia, because _that's_ where all the heartburn came from during the pregnancy.

"I hope she doesn't get your cheekbones, would look weird on a girl"

To Tony, every other day he noticed more things about Sophia that reminded him of Naomi, like how they had the same pale skin, or the shape of their eyes, or how even though they were both natural brunettes, Sophia's was closer to Naomi's shade than his. He was certain that she'd grow up to look more like her and nothing made him happier about that.

"You'll be alright" he whispered kissing his daughters temple.

"What are you whispering about? Don't wake her Tone, Jesus, I need a forty minute break, okay?" Naomi sighed making her self comfortable on their two seater couch.

"I'm promising her the world" Tony grinned, standing up to put Sophia in her cot.

They had an actual party that consisted of more than just the three of them for Sophia's six-month birthday. Gina couldn't make it – something about meeting some bloke, Naomi didn't hold it against her though because she'd been down barely a month before and Naomi knew how expensive it was going back and forth. All of the Stonem's made it, Anthea spent all of five minutes holding Sophia but Naomi hadn't expected much- she didn't seem very maternal. Effy was the biggest surprise, she let her niece sleep on her for well over half the day and Naomi wasn't going to say anything, but she couldn't hold her tongue.

"Look at you getting all maternal and shit"

"Fuck off"

Another year passed and in that time Sophia skipped over so many mile stones that Naomi and Tony could barely keep up. She rolled at six months, crawled at seven and walked at nine. Her first word was Dada and even though Naomi was jealous she couldn't help but roll her eyes and laugh because Tony looked so fucking happy and smug about it. Their daughter grows into a fat little thing, Naomi worried at first because for such an active child (which she is) she doesn't understand why she's so heavy but the doctor reassures her that she's at the expected weight for her age.

Mostly, Sophia sleeps well.

Naomi notices the vast differences in the way her and Tony are with their daughter, she finds herself stressing out over the smallest things whereas Tony is more relaxed and certain. It's not that Naomi wants to have a heart attack and picture Sophia hurting herself every time she walks near a door or plays with a toy too small, she can't help it, love has made her paranoid. She tells this to Tony late one night when they're lying in bed and he spends five minutes laughing at her, then when she punches him as hard as she can he pulls her in for a kiss.

The sex is the same, the feelings the same, the only difference is that now they can't shag whenever they want because of the very demanding almost-two year old in the next room.

"Bubba _pleaseeee_the sooner we get your nappy on the sooner you can watch your cartoons"

"Go-way Ma"

"No"

"Yes"

"Soph" Naomi sighs pinching the bridge of her nose "how about this, we'll get a nappy change and then you can sit on your couch and watch Dora, yeah?"

"Yeah" Sophia nods enthusiastically and it's not until much later that evening that Naomi realises something.

"I need to grow some balls"

"Please don't" Tony laughs.

Just after Sophia's second birthday they all decide to go on a holiday for a week. Tony had been subtly bringing it up every now and again but Naomi would always pan it off because it was hard enough trying to get Sophia into a routine as it is. She gave in though when he left a piece of paper on the kitchen bench one morning for her to find.

_California, Florida – Beaches_

_Wyoming, Colorado – Forests_

_Wisconsin – Cows_

_Try not to get too excited about number 3, love you! T_

"Twat"

"Tat"

"No bubba, that's a bad word... say bad Mama!"

"Bad Ma!"

They ended up choosing California because Sophia hadn't been to the beach yet and it was summer so Naomi didn't see the point in going anywhere else. Tony drove and they stayed in a shitty motel room overnight on the way. It reminded Naomi of how far they had come and that night they barely got any sleep- child be damned.

Sophia hated the beach, the moment her feet hit the sand she had turned around and clung to Naomi's leg for dear life, Tony laughed it off saying something about it being the British in her and Naomi picked her up and repeatedly kissed her neck and ear.

"I don't think we thought this through properly, I mean, I know we asked her if she wanted to go to the beach but she's two for Christ sakes, we could ask her anything in that high exciting tone and she'd agree"

"She'll be right" Tony chuckled, motioning for them to take a walk along the footpath instead.

"I'm just worried we've scarred her for fuc- for life now"

"Nai, she's a kid...she doesn't know what she likes yet, all she knows is that this is a new experience and she's bricking it a bit. Trust me ok?" he rubbed circles into her back just because he knows her well enough to know she's over analysing it. "10 years from now she'll probably be nagging us to give her a lift to the nearest beach every other day"

"What if you're wrong?"

"Then I'll drive her. Now, let's find some ice-cream!"

"Icy!"

"That's right bubba!" he claps excitedly and its one of the few times that Naomi doesn't mind Tony getting Sophia excited, because usually he does it at the worst of times like when Naomi's just got her settled for bed. _Tosser_. "Is she too heavy for you?"

"Nuh, I'll be right".

Their holiday goes by way too fast for Naomi's liking and they settle back into normal life, which isn't all that bad if she's being honest, but slowly over time Sophia becomes less extroverted, less boisterous and inquisitive and Naomi starts to wonder if they're doing something wrong. She calls her Mum and gets some long story about herself when she was Sophia's age and the only reason Naomi stays on the line for an hour is because she expects there to be some hidden message, or moral of the story or whatever else the fuck it is but when she finds out there's none and her Mum did in fact just babble on for no reason whatsoever Naomi hangs up.

She calls Effy.

"So she's behaving more, what's the problem?"

"I don't knowwww" Naomi bites her lip, staring at her daughter who is sitting on the couch watching cartoons "I just, do you think she's lonely? I know she has me all the time but maybe she wants to interact with other kids, y'know"

"Ask her"

"Maybe I should..." _have another_the sentence trails off and Naomi sighs

"Get married first, you don't want another bastard"

"You're so fucking infuriating? You know that? And stop calling my kids bastards"

"Kid. Naomi. You have just the one, clucky bird" Effy doesn't laugh but Naomi knows she's holding it back. "Look, just calm down, you're still young and all the rest of that bollocks, fucking, look up play centres or something and stop whining about it"

"Yeah" Naomi nods

"And if it still doesn't fix whatever problem you've made up in your head then just accept the fact that people change, actually, call Mum- ask her what I was like at Soph's age"

"I'm not calling your Mum, bloody awkward"

"Ask Tony then"

"Or...you could just tell me"

"Hmm, I could...but I've got better things to do with my time"

Another two months pass and there's been no change in Sophia, Naomi had inquired about different play groups, dancing groups and all that shit but she just couldn't bring herself to take her to them, it was that love equals paranoia problem again, how could she trust a stranger with her kid?

"Your birthdays coming up"

"Hmm" Naomi sighs, pulling the blankets more to her side

"We should do something for it"

"Like what?"

"Go somewhere...get married" Naomi flings around at this and stares at Tony skeptically "_what?_We've been together for almost six years" he shrugs

"Five and have you been talking to Effy?"

"Whatever, five then, but I'm still counting it as six because it's not like we were shagging anybody-"

"Tone! Have you spoken to Effy?"

"No" he frowns slightly, a sign that he's actually telling the truth. "Anyway it's alright if you don't want to...I know you're not, like...big on marriage or-"

"So this is how you're gonna propose to me then?" she bites the inside of her mouth to prolong the face splitting grin she feels coming. Tony's face drops and just to have a laugh she wait's until he starts stumbling over his words.

"No...obviously, I didn't mean it like-I was just...think of it as a warning, like that the proposition is coming, oh you fucking bitch!" he lets loose a very long breath seeing how truly happy she is about it.

They have sex, he doesn't use protection.

_You know this is might come out as a bit shitty, but I was thinking, fuck it? let's not tell anyone – do it in style and all that crap. Vegas, Amsterdam, London, wherever you want, next weekend? Love T xo_

"Ma's happy?"

"Yes bubba, very happy! Now, do you want an orange _or_ do you want a banana with your toast?"

"Yep"

"Okay" Naomi chuckles picking up her phone. **Anywhere, love you twat xo**

They get married in Vegas on Naomi's twenty-fourth birthday and even though it's in a chapel nothing about it is conventional, the furniture is something from the 60's, the celebrant is- well Naomi _thinks_, a lesbian who's wearing an Elvis wig and gold glasses. Two hours before they're due at the venue Sophia has a tantrum and pretty much tells them to fuck off in that special way that all two year olds do, there's a lot of screaming, crying and "go-way!'s" so they end up taking her for a walk and find a costume shop along the way.

Tony gets married in a penguin suit, Naomi and Sophia wearing matching blue wigs and it's just so fucking _perfect_ that she actually bursts out into tears during the infamous _I do's._

"Ma, sad?"

"No bubba, happy" Tony leans down to pick her up and then wraps them both in his arms. "This definitely tops our first shag you know"

"Shut up, idiot" she punches him lightly and then they kiss.

They fly back home the next day because Tony wasn't able to take any time off work but Naomi doesn't even care, she feels like she's taken a never ending amount of happy pills and even later on in the week when Naomi asks Sophia if she loves her and gets a "no" with a frown in response she laughs it off. She calls Effy later that night, wondering if it would be rude to ask her to pass on the news to Anthea.

"Congratulations, bout time mind you, and I'm still deciding whether I'm going to be mad at you or not for not telling anybody"

"I'm happy, truly fucking happy, like walking on clouds and all that bollocks"

"Good" Naomi can tell Effy's smiling "you deserve it"

As expected, Naomi's Mum gets the next plane over just so she can chastise Naomi in person about being so bloody insensitive, she's halfway through the speech when she spots the simple white gold ring sitting on Naomi's finger and instead bursts out into tears insuring Naomi they're happy ones. Naomi thinks she's slightly bipolar.

"Oh its beautiful love!" and she's right, it really is.

A week later Sid shows up, smell and all, he takes Tony out for his backwards bucks night and they stumble in at three in the morning with brand new tattoos.

"_What the fuck Tone!"_ Naomi whispers harshly, only slightly paying attention to Sid collapsing on the couch in the background.

"I got it for you" he slurs "and bubba" and she grabs his arm and tuts in a way that reminds her too much of her Mum.

"You're such an idiot, you know that?"

"Hmmm but you're impressed enough to shag me"

She insists that the only reason they have sex that night is because she needs the stress relief. Secretly though, she likes their name's tattooed on his arm and weeks later, when the weather starts getting hotter, and Tony complains about having to wear a long shirt to work just to cover the tattoo she laughs in his face.

"Suck it up princess"

For Tony's twenty-sixth birthday the three of them spend the evening lying in bed watching Shrek, Naomi's not really paying attention though, she's watching them both quote the donkey, well, Sophia tries. "How did we get so lucky?" she rests her head on her arm, just staring at him.

"You mean how did _I_ get so lucky" Tony leans his arm over (annoying Sophia in the process) to take her hand in his. "Dunno really, I guess all that karma just never caught up with me"

"Karma" Naomi scoffs "you're the kindest person I know, Tone"

He smiles at her for a really long minute, one of those smiles that make her feel like everyone else in the world _should_ be seeing it, and then he says:

"You know what I miss? I miss that little sound she used to make when she was a new born on the bottle" Naomi's smile grows "and how she'd roll her eyes like it was the extent of her happiness, like nothing else in the world could ever match up to the feeling of microwaved milk" he chuckles and then turns his head again to quote a stupid line from the movie.

Naomi watches him for a few minutes, then watches Sophia, then decides that she can relate to that exact same feeling because how can this get any better?

"You should grow your hair, I miss it long"

"Yeah, alright then" he smiles.

Looking back on it all Naomi sometimes wonders if that was the moment that whoever is running this shit show that people call a life, decided that there was a limit to happiness, that she was being greedy. She wonders if happiness always comes with consequences, _she wonders a lot of things_.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N**

**Sorry the updates are slow, I'm travelling from the 31st and have been really busy because of it! x**

**Don't own the characters.**

Chapter 1.

"Get up"

"Minute"

"Now Naoms, it's fucking ten in the morning and she's waiting for you"

"Jesus Christ" Naomi bolts up and then holds her head a moment later. Effy watches her with that same look she's come to recognize as part hesitancy and part disappointment and it's the last thing Naomi wants to deal with right now so instead of wasting anymore time she climbs out of bed muttering something about being woken earlier.

"I tried" Effy sighs leaving the room and Naomi spends half a minute trying to compose herself, just like every other day for the last two years. She looks up at the same crack in the ceiling, remembers the plan they had to renovate once upon a time and it's just another reminder of the life she could've been living right now.

"Mummy!" an excited ball of energy pulls her from her head. _Probably for the best _Naomi thinks.

"Heyy bubba, happy birthday" she holds out her hand to help Sophia climb onto her. "You're a big girl now y'know? do you feel any older?"

"Mmmm Yeh" Sophia nods even though Naomi's sure she doesn't

Naomi just chuckles and kisses her cheek. "Come on, let's go see what your aunt's made for breakfast"

"It's eggs!"

"We're spoilt then aren't we?" They walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. Naomi rubs her thumb across Sophia's hand once before letting go and heading for the kettle, completely ignoring the way Effy's eyes follow her. She knows there are unsaid words between them and she's pretty sure she can guess what they are, but today is supposed to be a happy day so that conversation can wait.

"Show me how old you are then" Naomi leans back on the bench, a sad smile on her lips. Sophia holds up two fingers and Naomi almost manages a proper smile.

"Try again Soph" Effy encourages with a nod and a smile and when on the second attempt Sophia gets it wrong Effy shows her how to hold up four fingers. Effy's good like that, she knows how to challenge Sophia in appropriate ways and although Naomi appreciates it deep down, it hurts that she herself can never seem to know how to do stuff like that.

Sometimes she thinks Sophia would be better off having Effy as a mother.

"So what're we doing today then?"

"Hmmm, well I was thinking about going to the library actually"

"Oh? the library ey? how's that sound to you bub?" Naomi shares a small smirk with Effy seeing her daughters bottom lip drop. They've dubbed it 'the Sophia lip' because every time she doesn't like the sound of something the exact same look appears.

"Mummy..."

"We're having you on Soph" Effy gives in way too easy when it comes to Sophia, Naomi likes messing with her daughter- not that they ever take it too far, she's just always the one that's willing to drag it on that extra minute as opposed to Effy who's surprisingly a big old sap, well as much as someone like her can be. "How's the Zoo sound to you then?"

"The Zoo?" Sophia's face brightens immensely "to see the all the monkeys!" Sophia exclaims and Naomi allows herself a tiny bit of happiness, just for a moment, because Sophia's face expressions are her most favourite thing in the world.

"I don't see why not" Naomi shrugs.

Sophia finishes her breakfast in record timing and they're dressed and out the front door in under an hour. The Zoo is about a half an hour drive from the house and Effy spends the drive failing to calm down the excited four year old in the back seat while Naomi uses every ounce of concentration she has on pedestrians, cars, traffic lights, intersections and most of all _buses_. They're pretty much the first ones there which is a fucking relief, skipping cues and all that. Sophia excitedly tells the lady at the ticket booth that she's four today -holding up five fingers, and the lady generously gives her a colouring book with all the different animals at the Zoo in it.

The first animals they see are the Kangaroo's and it reminds Naomi of the brief time she lived in Melbourne. It hurts, so instead of dwelling she pretends to read the map. Effy tilts her head slightly, which really means _what's wrong? _And Naomi looks away.

They spend five hours seeing every animal the Zoo has to offer, lions, monkeys, bears, snakes, even bloody butterflies- about a thousand of them all flying around in one little conservatory that feels more like a sauna. Automatically, Naomi was the camera person because Effy's just better at explaining things about animals (and everything else) to Sophia. She was sure she got a good picture of Eff freaking out by one of the butterflies landing on her head, so that, along with Sophia's excitement, made Naomi's sore legs worth it all.

On the way home they stop through Mcdonalds to get Sophia a happy meal and Naomi has a fleeting thought that she should probably stop letting her daughter eat so much shit, repeats _start cooking for her_ in her head but knows she most likely won't. Naomi's just relieved that the child's so bloody active.

By the time they actually get home it's almost 5 and Sophia's fast asleep so Naomi carries her into her bedroom thinking that half an hour nap won't hurt anyone. Once she's sure Sophia's Ventolin puffer is on the table beside the bed- just in case, she makes her way out to the lounge and checks the messages on their phone.

_Hi Naomi, Rob from work here... just wondering if there's any chance you could pick up my shift tonight... 7 to 12 and I know it's a Saturday and I really wouldn't ask if it wasn't an emergency but...yeah, anyway get back if you can!_

"Naoms..." Effy watches her friend reach for the phone

"Mmm?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow"

"Yeah I know, don't worry I'll be up in time to drive you to the airport"

"You told her you might come with us later"

"Eff..." Naomi sighs. It's not that she doesn't want to go with them, she just doesn't feel like she's ready yet and she knows it's another let down but dealing with their disappointment is easier than dealing with the alternative. "I know, but I really need the extra cash y'know"

Effy nods, gets up off the couch and leaves the room and Naomi knows what she really means is y_ou're letting her down you idiot_ or _she only ever gets to go there when I'm here _but as long as Effy doesn't say the words out loud then Naomi can pretend that everything's fucking peachy.

She cries that night, most nights. Effy holds her.

The next morning they're up bright and early and Naomi decides to carry Sophia to the car to let her sleep some more because she can't be bothered dealing with the mood she knows her daughter will be in if she wakes her up. "She picked a load of grass for him because we couldn't find any green flowers" Effy smiles lovingly on the drive to the airport "then I helped her spell out his name with them".

"Oh?" Naomi tries to keep things light between them, feels like she owes Effy.

"Hmm. I can't keep coming back and forth every second month you know?"

"Eff..."

"She starts school in a year" Effy sighs and Naomi doesn't really know why she's bothering because they've been having this conversation for the last six months.

"She's got her preschool friends here, I've got my job, we're not...I just can't"

"She'll make new friends; you'll get a new job. Stop holding onto something that's never coming back Naomi. This isn't just about you"

"If we're such a burden on your life Eff" Naomi takes a deep breath, hits the horn as hard as she can so that the fucking tosser in front of them notices the green light "then stop fucking coming back alright? I won't hold it against you"

"It's got nothing to do with that and you know it" Effy snaps- turns around to make sure Sophia didn't wake up and then doesn't speak until Naomi pulls up in the drop off lane at the airport. Naomi hates fighting with Effy, especially when she knows they wont be close enough to each other to make things right again.

They lock eyes for a very long minute once the car is safe and Naomi _really _tries to look anything but broken, she can't though.

"He was my brother Naoms, her Dad"

"I know tha-"

"Try to remember that you're not the only bloody person who's lost someone"

"We didn't lose him Effy, he was fucking taken from us" she flings her head back against the seat, swallows the lump in her throat and repeats a mantra of swear words in her head. "Can we just not do this please?"

"Whatever" Effy shrugs, reaches for the handle on the door but Naomi grabs her arm because she can't bare the thought of this being the last time she ever sees her friend again, that _this_ would be their last conversation.

"Eff...I love you yeah?"

Effy relaxes; smiles sadly. "I'll call you on the other side"

"Safe flight"

"Always"

A month passes by and Sophia discovers the power of asking questions. She drills Naomi from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep with questions like "Mummy whys your voice funny when you talk?" and "why did it rain at the shops but not at home?". Two weeks into this habit Naomi starts counting and realises that her daughter asks up to ten new questions each day about the world and why it is the way it is, Naomi remembers a time when she was this inquisitive, a time when everything felt meaningful and hopeful and the world and its possibilities were exciting. She drops Sophia off at day care, comes home and cries over a glass of wine hoping she has at least another ten years before Sophia realises that life isn't as innocent as she thinks.

Sophia also grows an inch, counts to fifteen in the right order for the first time ever and learns how to fib.

Naomi sometimes wonders what Tony would say about their daughter if he was here with them. A few times she even kids herself, thinking she heard him say something like "see I was right, she looks like you" or "look at how curly her hair is now!" while she's doing something like buttering Sophia's toast or shoving their wet clothes in the dryer and each time it happens she stiffens up and looks around_ just in case_ he is actually there and the last two years have just been some kind of fucked up dream.

But when she realises that she's the only one there- her heart feels like it's breaking all over again and the things that she wants to say to him get caught in her throat.

Sophia knows Naomi's sad, she's a smart kid. Naomi just hopes that her daughter was too young to remember a time when her Mother was happy. That way she can pretend that she's always been as consistent as she is today because she doesn't feel like she'll ever be able to learn to live with it. Most days when Naomi wakes up there's a three second time slot that she lives in where she rolls over and actually thinks Tony will be there snoring his head off or something, and even though the reality hurts just that little bit more afterwards, Naomi lives for those seconds.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARNEE EFF!"

"Bubba she's wearing headphones, she can hear us perfectly fine so there's no need to shout yeah?" Naomi smirks from behind her daughter when she sees Effy flinch through the laptop screen. _Serves you right for wearing the damn things_.

Sophia and Effy chat for a few minutes, mostly Sophia talks and Effy laughs or nods to her questions and when Naomi can't see this ending anytime soon she holds up her packet of smokes and points to the door from behind her daughter.

When she gets back she lingers by the doorway for a second because Sophia's tone is a little bit lower than what it is usually and Naomi wants to know what secrets they're sharing with each other.

"I hate him"

"That's a very strong feeling Soph...Have you spoken to the teachers, or your Mum?"

"No"

"Okay, well maybe you sho-"

"When are you coming back arnee Eff? is it soon?" and that's Naomi's cue to step in because maybe when Effy said she can't keep coming back and forth she was telling the truth, and Naomi's the one who makes broken promises not Effy.

"Alright you, time to get ready for the day so go get your clothes, I'll just be a minute alright?"

"Okayyyyy fine" Sophia pouts and then blows a kiss to the webcam.

Once Naomi's sure that the four year old is out of ear shot she walks over to the laptop and sits down. "Is she alright? What was that all about?" straight to the point.

"Some little twat at preschool keeps teasing her because she pronounces bath like a Brit, as opposed to baaaarth" Effy rolls her eyes "so now, apparently, she hates him"

"Fuck sakes" Naomi sighs "why didn't she-"

"Tell you? Do you really want me to answer that?" Naomi slowly shakes her head because what the fuck else is she meant to say? She knows Sophia wouldn't have come to her and why should Naomi expect her to? It's just another tick off of the long list of reasons why she is a failing at parenting.

"She worries about you, you know" Effy answers it anyway

"I know, I'll talk to the teacher" Naomi presses her fingers hard against her temple "I just wish that she wasn't so fucking thoughtful all of the time y'know? like, at her age I was a little shit, honestly"

"Tony wasn't" Effy says it like it's completely normal mentioning him mid conversation.

Naomi freezes.

"So" she swallows "are you coming or what?" Naomi hates having to fucking ask every time this happens, she hates that she needs Effy so much, it makes her feel selfish and useless.

Effy takes her time in answering though, lights herself a cigarette and takes three drags before she even speaks again and Naomi thinks that she's either doing it just to annoy her, or maybe it's something she that has to think about this time.

Naomi hopes it's the first.

"Yeah, alright then"

"Ok, what date?"

"Well the appointment is on the 10th..."

"Is it?" Naomi frowns reaching for her phone and quickly finds the date. "2pm"

"Like I said" Effy nods "so book it for the 8th if you can"

"The 8th" Naomi nods jotting it down on a piece of paper so that she'll remember it later when she has a spare half an hour to book the flight online.

"Nai?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for...you know"

"Sure" Naomi manages a smile because even if Effy came back and forth for the rest of their lives she'd happily foot the bill.

They pick Effy up from the airport on the Monday morning and because Sophia loves her sleep, it's five in the morning, and Naomi doesn't trust anyone enough to get a baby sitter, they don't get out of the house until half six. They're forty minutes late.

"I know, I know" Naomi huffs pushing along the trolley that holds her sleeping daughter "I'm sorry, I tried to get her up ten bloody times but she didn't want-"

"Its fine Nai" Effy pulls the stressed blonde in for a hug. "You look tired"

"Is that supposed to be a polite way of telling me I look like shit?"

"No, if you looked like shit I would've told you" Effy yawns and bends down to kiss her niece on the head. "Anyway how's food and bed sound to you?"

"Food definitely but..." Naomi bites her lip

"Jesus Christ Naomi I just got here, one day without fucking off to work wouldn't hurt, yeah?" Effy sighs and Naomi knows she's completely right but there's nothing she can do about it now.

"I know...I'm sorry but-"

"You're apologising for a lot lately"

"Eff" Naomi warns, not in the mood to bloody deal with Effy making her feel even more shit than she does. "I was thinking that maybe, since I'll be at work, and she's been asking a lot lately-"

"No"

"What?" Naomi's head snaps to the side, clearly not expecting that answer

"You need to start dealing with your shit Naomi, I'm being serious so don't roll your eyes because it makes me feel like your fucking Mother, and I'm not"

"Clearly"

"Come with us"

"Eff please..."

"We can make some sandwiches and take a blanket, spend a couple of hours there maybe"

"I can't"

"This is about her" Effy grabs Naomi's arm hard and points to Sophia with a look of such intense disappointment and anger that all Naomi can do is look away and feel like the worst person in the world. "She's not fucking two anymore okay? _She sees things._ You think I don't know that you cry every time you think she's not around? That you're so paranoid you sit in the preschool car park three times a week _just-in-case_ something happens and you aren't there to prevent it? You won't even let her watch Shre-"

"Please" Naomi tries to blink some tears away "please Eff, I'm fine...just"

"Okay" Effy drops her arm and takes a step back "I'll take her later then"

"Really?" Naomi looks up surprised

"Mmm...well since you're working we'll catch the bus" Naomi's eyes widen at this and Effy looks at her and sighs and it's so fucking unfair that her friend just _knows _how to prove a point like that. Naomi wishes she hadn't of reacted at all but before she can even think of an excuse Effy is walking off ahead of her. "Sort it out Naomi".

That day at work Naomi gives a jack and coke to a guy that ordered a pint of beer and a pint of beer to a lady that wanted a lemonade and it's not the first time her boss has had to pull her up on her shit. She wonders how on earth she still has the job.

When she gets home Naomi parks the car in the driveway and spends over an hour thinking about what her life has been like for the last two years. She remembers something she read online once about grief and the stages people go through when they lose somebody close to them. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and numbness and she feels like she's been through them all tenfold, feels like she goes through each step everyday from the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to sleep at night. Apparently they're supposed to go uphill from numbness but Naomi's still waiting for that to happen. Doesn't really think it will.

The one that hurts the most is bargaining and Naomi knows she does it all the time. _If I drive 5km over the speed limit you'll give him back to me_ or _I won't eat anything for breakfast if I can have him back._ Deep down she knows it's stupid, that he's not ever coming back, but she can't help it.

She can't help a lot of things.

She thinks about Sophia and how she's grown so fucking much that Naomi can barely keep up to it all. She doesn't mean to do things like forget to use the camera on Sophia's first day of preschool or put that drawing Sophia made that one time in one of the boxes in the garage instead of on the fridge, but, she just _doesn't think_, it feels like she's not there most of the time and Naomi knows her daughter sees it.

She wishes that Sophia wasn't old enough to know what empathy is.

Sometimes Naomi watches shows about people who have lost someone and they all say the same thing, something about the feeling coming in waves and its so fucking frustrating that they _all_ describe it that way because she feels like it's the opposite of waves, which is silly really because waves don't even have an opposite, but, she just feels like it's always there, like she's drowning in it every time she breathes.

"Hey"

"Work alright?" Effy looks up from the couch

"No. Where's Sophia?"

"Bed, its nine Naoms" the brunette leans her head on her arm and stares at Naomi with a sad smile. "Get a glass and come sit with me for a while" so Naomi does just that.

They share a blanket, a couch and a bottle of wine between them and even though Naomi knows that the air is thick with all the things they have to say to each other, this, being here with Effy, feels nice. After her second glass Naomi is satisfied enough to allow herself just a moment out of reality and she closes her eyes until she can almost hear his voice or see him standing in front of a mirror in the hallway. It hurts but it's better than forgetting him.

"I'm sorry" a voice pulls her back into reality and Naomi opens her eyes and slowly turns her head to the side to see her friend staring at the empty glass in her hands. Naomi wants to tell her something, anything, but instead she waits for Effy to speak again. "I miss him too you know".

"Yeah, I know" and she does. Effy didn't go through the typical grieving steps like most people do and Naomi sometimes wonders if she was actually born backwards like she's claimed for all these years. The day Tony died Effy had phoned before the police had even left the house and Naomi remembers picking it up and not even having to tell her what had happened, she just knew, whereas Naomi spent weeks in denial because they _must_ have got the wrong person, she was convinced it wasn't him.

After the initial shock of it all Effy really clung onto the anger she felt about it all and if Naomi hadn't of been hurting so much herself she would've assumed that Effy was going to either hurt herself or do something really stupid because she's never been able to handle her emotions, they make her feel like she doesn't have control, she once told Naomi that when she first realised she had fallen in love with Freddie.

Effy didn't lose control though, she didn't drink herself to nothing or take drugs, she didn't even fucking go out anywhere and Naomi still resents her for it, resents her for being the one that held her shit together while Naomi fell apart completely.

Effy used her anger in a constructive way, it was a few months after Tony's death and Gina was putting Sophia down in bed when out of nowhere Effy told Naomi that she was taking her to dinner. Naomi didn't want to go, but she wasn't quite at that stage yet where she had enough energy in her to protest anything.

"_I want to sue the whole fucking company"_

"_What?"_

"_Ton-he would be here today if the bus driver didn't have had an alcohol level of 0.19, they know it, there's even witnesses that know he was stumbling all over the place just before-you know" Effy said it all matter-of-factly. Naomi couldn't even think straight. _

"_Eff...I can't, I can barely fucking breathe right now let alone-"_

"_I just need you to sign anything I bring to you; you won't even have to think about it. Just, please Naoms...I need to do this, I need something. Give me this?"_

"_Yeah" Naomi nodded "yeah, do it then. Okay"_

So she did, she found a pretty decent lawyer from a firm in New York and went to all the initial meetings by herself, Naomi started coming along about a year ago and that was just because apparently it was important to the lawyer that she understood the whole process. She didn't end up even listening though and as far as she knows it's still all happening. Last she heard was that they were waiting on the company to bring a figure back to them and Effy said that if they didn't feel like it was reasonable enough then the lawyer would take it to court.

Naomi didn't really care; the money was just going to go straight into Sophia's saving account, just like Tony's death insurance.

Over time, Naomi noticed Effy started to focus more on Sophia than anything else and she wishes that it had of been her that was able to do that but it's not something she loses sleep over because she's not an idiot, people deal with things in different ways. All in all, Naomi thinks that Effy taught herself how to live again better than what Naomi has, but there's still those moments where Effy will stand outside in the rain for forty minutes just staring at the sky, or when she randomly says something that reminds Naomi so much of the Effy she knew when she was younger, the distraught teenager that didn't know if she was here or there, and Naomi would never admit that it's those times that comfort her the most, because in those moments she's not the only person that's still broken over it all.

It's fucked up.

"I'm seeing somebody"

"Freds?" Naomi frowns

"No, I mean a psychologist"

"No drugs then" Naomi smiles, doesn't really know why she does but it doesn't matter because Effy ignores her comment anyway.

"She helps me, a lot"

"Good"

"I think you should see somebody Nai..." Effy looks up and she looks so insecure about even bringing it up to Naomi that something inside Naomi's chest twists.

"What if I say no?" Naomi asks softly, fully aware that this could be Effy's last straw with her. She doesn't want to fight, she's sick and tired of it, but she isn't going to lie to Effy and pretend like she's ready to face all of her demons- that's what they'll make her do and she doesn't feel like she's anywhere close to ready.

Effy leans forward and fill's her glass with more wine and Naomi expects the same old fight because this is what happens every single time. Effy suggests things- Naomi refuses them- Effy gets angry- Naomi feels like a let down. It's like they're both dancing together to a song that never ends and Naomi just _wants out_ so badly. She wants their friendship back.

"Then...nothing" Effy shrugs.

"So you won't...leave us?" Naomi whispers, hating herself for asking it. Feels like a burden, like she may as well live on Effy's back for the rest of their lives.

"I would never leave you's...she's my blood"

"What about me then? I'm not, I'm not even anything to you all now that he's gone" Naomi looks away and tries to hide a few escaped tears but its useless because she's so scared about losing somebody else that the fear consumes her.

It eats her up.

"Naomi look at me. This, me being here, is me loving you alright?" Effy shifts closer to Naomi and grabs her hand "Sometimes I don't even want to come back here you know? but I can't stop because I need you and you're so fucking selfish all the time that-" Effy voice cracks and she closes her eyes "that I hate you for it, I hate that I need you to be okay and that I need to make sure she's okay and I know that if I stopped coming back I'd be able to focus on me, on my life, but I just can't do that"

"I'm sorry" Naomi looks down feeling the emptiest she has in two long years.

"I don't need you to be sorry Nai, I need you to fix it"

"What if I can't?"

"You can"

"But what if I can't Eff" Naomi pushes, needing Effy to know that there's a high chance that she's never going to move on.

"Then we stay the same, don't we?" Effy shrugs dropping her face in her hands.

They go to bed not long after that and for the first time ever Naomi thinks it's because Effy cant handle the silence anymore. Effy doesn't follow her into her room, instead she goes into Sophia's and Naomi's glad because she knows it will be one of those nights where she's tossing and turning non stop.

Two weeks later she drops Effy back off at the airport and there's no fight this time, there isn't even any words shared between them and on the way back to the house Naomi has to pull over just so that she can cry and get it over and done with. She hates herself more than she ever has before, considers jumping off of the bridge she can see through the review mirror – goes home and has a shower instead.

August comes and goes and they have a four day heatwave that Naomi and Sophia spend with the windows open and blinds down. Sophia makes a game of it pretending that they have to stay inside so that the 'zombies' wont know they're hiding in there, Naomi laughs, calls in sick for work and spends her days watching re-runs of Doctor Who on the couch. Fucking hates that show.

She speaks to Effy twice that month and both of those times it's only because Sophia is hovering in the background. It's not that Naomi doesn't want to talk to her best friend, she just doesn't know what she's supposed to say anymore and it makes her feel like utter shit, she misses Effy. Naomi almost feels like she's walking around with one of those little timers in her pocket that tick non stop, like something big will soon happen and it's just ticking down the seconds.

When it does happen, there's no bomb going off or earthquake shaking the house or any of the other things that Naomi kept herself up at night thinking about, but what _does_ happen feels just as significant as those things would. It's the second last Thursday of August and Naomi's getting Sophia ready for bed, she tells her daughter to pick out what pyjamas she wants to wear because Sophia's always been that type of kid, knows what she wants her appearance to look like and all that, so Naomi goes outside for a quick smoke, the same as always, and when she gets back inside everything just_ feels_ eerily quiet.

"Bub?" Naomi closes the sliding door and wonders why her four year old hasn't already ran into the backroom holding up the clothes, as she usually does. Naomi makes her way down the hallway with furrowed eyebrows and a drum in her chest and when she reaches Sophia's door she's surprised to find the girl sitting on her bed with her crayons and a notepad. "Have you chosen your pyjamas yet monkey?" Naomi rolls her eyes at herself for thinking the worst just because her daughter was quiet for once.

"No" the little girl says, biting her lip in concentration

"Well...come on then"

After Sophia's tucked safe and sound in bed Naomi makes her way back out into the kitchen and pours her self a glass of wine. She thinks about the notebook that's sitting on her daughter's bedside table, wonders if she'd be crossing a line by looking inside it, thinks- _fuck it_.

Later, after enough wine to be able to make everything blurry, Naomi picks up the phone and calls Effy. "She wrote him a fucking letter Eff" is the only words that she gets out before the completely loses every last bit of control she had.

"Nai calm down, I can't understand you- what's happened?"

"A letter! She wrote to Tony in that fucking notepad that they were given the other week at kinder!" Naomi sobs, frustrated that Effy just doesn't automatically know what she's talking about for once.

"Naoms..."

"I can't do it anymore Eff, I can't, I just can't" Naomi repeats over and over to herself while she rocks back and forth because _this_ feels more significant than any other moment in her life, she can feel the pain burning the deepest part of her soul and it's the most painful revelation she's ever experienced in her life.

And she feels like it came out of nowhere.

Effy arrives three days later.


End file.
